The Bathing Suit

It appears I am going on holiday. It's easy for guys. They just go to any shop, buy a pair of swim shorts et voila. No stress, no agony.

Me? I go to 5 different shops over 2 days & eventually find 2 suits I like. One covers just about everything; Queen Victoria would have approved. The second one, a two piece halter top & boy leg bottom makes me feel instantly sexy so I buy that one.

But the lighting in the store was too kind. In the glare of my bathroom I no longer feel or look sexy. The word horrified comes to mind as I contemplate a couple of bulges that were definitely not evident in the store.

Haul out blue one piece from several years ago. Still fits & looks fine but.....I'm not quite ready to look like my mother. But perhaps in this crowd I won't be spotted.....

An Electric Blanket?

Why did my parents give me an electric blanket for Christmas? Surely any prospective boyfriend, on seeing wires and plugs escaping from my bed will run for the hills.....

Happy Bloomin' Christmas

Yeah I know it is Christmas. But finding neither a BMW nor an amazing guy under my tree, I decided to bath the cat. Now the cat has never been bathed before & I must say didn't take too kindly to its Christmas bath. In fact cat used my right leg as climbing post to escape. When plunked back in, cat used my left leg as climbing post, managing to push me into bath at the same time. I know evil cat did that on purpose. Now we are both wet and bedraggled and I swear I have 25 puncture wounds. If there was a gorgeous guy under tree he'd take one look at me and flee.........

December 3

Get to go on a day trip with my boss, "Mr. H" (as in Mr. Handsome.....). Wear my best push up bra and sexy underwear just in case the helicopter crashes.

December 18

Get up way too late for my regular bus, so go to the bus stop that allows me more options. As I stroll up the hill, down comes the bus....start running (generally far beneath my dignity), but hey, it is -3 degrees C and I am not waiting another 15 minutes. Stick out my hand and realise bus is going way too fast. Start waving madly, then jumping up and down shouting "Stop! Stop!" Well the bus finally stops - just about at the point where I started running for the bloody thing in the first place. So I start to run down the hill but my scarf gets wrapped around the only tree on the road and I just about strangle myself. Unwind scarf from tree which promptly falls on pavement. Pick up scarf & ignore stares of 32 passengers who are looking at me as if I'm a complete and utter madwoman. Run down hill and get on bus. "Oh," says the bus driver, "I thought you were waving bye bye................"