Psst....wanna be in a movie?

As I stroll along for my bus the other afternoon, I pass a fairly decent looking guy.  "Psst" he says after I've gone by. Fox slowly turns, allowing sunlight to fall on red hair. "Wanna be in a movie? It's really good money." Fox contemplates for a minute. "I don't really have time" (what with work, uni, thinking continuously about sexy guy, well that takes up all my time). "But it's good money. At least 2,000." Fox opens eyes wide. "What kinda movie?" "A snuff movie. But you'd get 2 - 3,000." Fox looks around very respectable neighbourhood she and would-be-producer are in. "I'm really sorry, I just don't have the time right now. But good luck with that."

Yup, could have used an extra 2,000 right now but hey, with my luck I'd really get snuffed and odd guy would get to keep the money!

How do you spell van Nistelrooy?

So me and best friend end up at the local pub on a Sat night and prop up the bar, all the tables being full. It wasn't long before two gents plonked themselves down beside us, a fact announced by a gallon of aftershave announcing their imminent arrival. "Like my aftershave?" says Bloke No. 1. Followed very quickly by his whole life story. Turns out he is Dutch. In an effort to get a word in, Red Fox says "Do you know van Nistelrooy?" (Perhaps a better question should have been "Do you know the Director of ING since that is where I have stashed all my mad money and I'm gonna be mad if it disappears..."). Well, they didn't, but they were kinda fun to talk to and it was better than talking to the cat but still....they can't hold a candle to Mr. H. Or sexy guy. But then, who can?

What Kind of Investment Banker Rides the Bus?

I've met an investment banker. Not sure how good an investor he is seeing as I met him on the bus. Plonking myself down one day I accidentally sat on his jacket and nearly strangled him. The next day I happened to sit down behind him. The fox, being utterly unable to even read an e-mail on the bus without feeling decidedly ill, admires anyone who can (a) read a novel or (b) work on a laptop while on the bus. Mr. IB was working on his laptop. Hmm. Now while I have developed an uncanny inability to read small print right in front of my face, I can read e-mails very well from 10' feet away. So I check out what he is doing. And he's buying, and selling, and holding. Hmm, he could hold me if he liked.

But, later that night while I'm waiting at the bus exchange, who gets off the bus and gazes right into my eyes, yes, Mr. IB. Maybe tomorrow I'll say hello. Maybe.

Who dressed you?

Well, sexy guy came to town and I was to meet him for dinner. Not being the nervous type, I show up 45 minutes early and then have to hide in my car on a side road. 43 minutes very slowly go by. 2 minutes to go. I look at my chest - just to make sure it is still there. But wait. Something looks odd. I'm wearing a sexy little camisole and flimsy cardigan (no forward planning here!), and the camisole is back to front. Now it is 1 minute to sexy guy. I peel off my cardigan almost as fast as I bet he could, wriggle my camisole round and put back on cardi, all the while hoping the local residents are not looking at this unexpected peep show.

Now I'm in danger of being late, and my face is beet red 'cos I'm hot. Hope it will cool down in the remaining 30 seconds cos I wanna look "hot" not hot. Walk into the restaurant and 5 guys swivel round to look at me. Either I look superb or I look like hell. I'll take the former. And then I get a text "Gonna be 15 minutes late...."

At least I don't have this particular chore!

So me and Mr. H. hop in the company chopper (alas, with 2 others) and head off on company business for the day. Well, makes a change from taking the bus to work. Was an absolutely gorgeous day and coming back, we fly over the posh part of town. My consolation is at least when I get home I don't have to clean out the swimming pool..................

Who Would You Choose (if u were a guy)?

So the Fox, taking advantage of the local ferry system, had embarked on a voyage to go shopping in another city. Returning home, hordes of little schoolboys get on but before I could roll my eyes I see their Master. Well, he could be my Master any day. Our eyes meet. We smile. He glances away at the woman next to me who has the prettiest little handbag you've ever seen which matches her shoes, gloves, hat, her outfit straight from British Vogue.... Me? I'm carrying a plastic bag with a frying pan in it.....

Has anyone seen the cat?

Arriving home from work the other day after 14 hours of being out (3 hours traveling time, 8 hours work, 3 hours shopping) I failed to be greeted by my trusty cat. Hmm. Surely the cat has not gone off me as well. After all, Sexy Guy had a mad burst last Sunday with 4 phone calls and 30 texts and even Mr. H. sent me a message to ask if I was ignoring him. But the cat has always been the more reliable of the three.

Now the cat has one of those daft names that make you feel like a complete pratt when you shout for her on the street. Or people think you are deranged and shouting for the caffeine beverage of your choice. So it is possible she couldn't hear me whispering her name for the sound of the traffic going down the nearby highway. And I'm ashamed to say I gave up quite easily, slammed the door shut and decided she could bloomin' well stay out all night.

And Red Fox gets ready for bed, slips between the sheets, spits out cat hair, and then has a brainwave. Ah ha. Earlier that day, around 6 a.m. or so, Cat No. 2 decided she needed to look in my undie drawer. Being the accommodating cat mother that I am, I pulled out the drawer, let her look in, and then pushed it back in. Hmm. I did hear a noise above my head when I was in the kitchen this morning and why on earth I would think it was a gigantic squirrel on the roof I've no idea (but I did). Wonder if Cat No. 1 also decided to take a look in there?

Crawl out of bed, pull open drawer and voila. One cat. Wearing my underwear.

But Did He Notice my Hair?

So Sexy Guy blew into town and what do you know? Your mother is right...quit chasing men and they will chase you. Or at least they will text you, unprompted, and ask if you wanna hang out. Do I? Do I have to wear clothes? How can I lose 10 lbs in 2 hours? It better not rain and make my hair frizzy. I'd better not step in a puddle and have the hem of my too-long jeans soak up water to my knees.

So I show up an hour early and have to lurk about (no butterflies here!!). Hair co-operates beautifully though. Sexy Guy smells absolutely gorgeous, makes an x-rated comment about my extra weight and tells me to go for another 5 lbs...........ya know, I'll never understand men. And what if that additional 5 lbs goes straight to my ankles?

3 Things I learned This Week

1. When traveling, if one insists on using a butane curling iron, carry a spare canister. That way, when one side of hair is beautifully curled, you can also curl the other side...
2. Cats get cross when you absently-mindedly pour peanuts into their bowls...
3. If you go to an Anime convention at my age, expect people to look at you like YOU are the weird one....

It's not a Tattoo?

So Mr. H., returning from parts of the world I can only dream about, left a pile of little pressies on my desk. I did wonder about the one in the heart-shaped tin (yes,he missed me!) until I realised it came from office junior who is trying to get my job. Mr. H. left me my favourite sweets. Four large bags of them. Good job they are non-fattening as am since still not convinced I have lost post-Christmas weight (yes, I know it is August). And an odd-looking object which I seized upon and exclaimed "A tattoo!" Thus inadvertently revealing an inner fantasy of mine. "No," explains Mr. H. patiently, "it is a stamp and this is how it works....." At least he stood close to me while he showed me how to ink the darn thing.

Do I need to take the blue rocket?

So last Wednesday, I had to go on a visit to one of the company outposts with Mr. H. on the company jet. But wait, this company outpost is notoriously bad for fog & mists. What happens if we get there and we can't get out and have to stay the night? I'm pretty sure Mr. H. won't let me sleep with him. What would I do all night in the mist? I'd be bored...hmm, perhaps I should take the blue rocket. After all, it likes traveling. But, I already have to take a laptop, blackberry, my cell phone and a PalmPilot. What would happen if some freak of nature sets off all these electronic devices and the blue rocket takes on a life of it's own? How could I turn it off in the confines of a 7 seater plane? What if it is turbulent and it rolls out of my purse and down the cabin? What if I accidentally left it in the outpost office? There's no way I could convince anyone it was a flashlight. Decide to play it safe and take a pack of cards................

The Perfidy of Men

So Red Fox blissfully humming along, writing to sexy guy weekly, as he is still working overseas. But am kinda miffed cos I know he's home on leave and I don't get one phone call, one text, one e-mail. And once he's back at work, I do get an e-mail. "Now that I have a girlfriend....be careful what you e-mail...." Now that I have a girlfriend??? Put a stake through my heart why don't you. I did not want to hear that. And not only a GF, but a suspicious GF; she asked to look at his hotmail. So we have a little war of words because I tell him if GF is looking at his hotmail already she doesn't trust him and does he REALLY want a relationship like that? Things went rapidly downhill after that. And am I really unnecessarily obsessive?

You know, I just don't get it. Apparently I'm to understand we are only friends; so why, on re-grouping somewhat and telling Sexy Guy about my acting debut at uni, does he reply with "Bet you'd have liked it better in the nude!" ???? Aaaggh. I give up on men. Really.

But I Would Have Looked Hot on the Red Carpet

Mr. H. is offered 2 tickets to a film festival in a city far, far away from here with fabulous shopping and great night life and...Mr. H. looks at me and says "I only need 1 ticket........"

Gotta Hate Guys & Their Plans Part II

So I ask sexy guy if there is a chance of another holiday while he is working on the Far Side of the World. And he e-mails back "already have remaining time booked with other friends. Sorry...." Which is what I expected but definitely not what I wanted to hear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I should have kept my knickers on

In an effort to keep my tan I have been going to the Sun Bed. I started off quite sensibly at 8 minutes, once a week. Then I decided to go twice a week. And then I decided 10 minutes would be better. Getting greedy, I then decided the premium Sun Bed would be so much better.“Want to go back to 8 minutes?” says the friendly, all-over tanned young lady at the front counter. “No, 10 is good.” says I who knows so much about sun beds.

Now in the beginning, I kept my knickers on (as they say in Britain). But then I decided I would just look so much better with an overall tan, so took to lying there for my blissful 8 minutes (later 10) completely nude.

“Well” says tanned young lady “As you are the first client today, I’ll give you 11 minutes but let it warm up for a minute and then hop in.” Wow... a free minute!!! Need to take advantage of that for sure.

Now I did remember the advice of turning off the face-tanning part after “two songs have played” and I do stick to that. After all, who wants to look like a lobster? So after today’s allotted 11 minutes, I get dressed, sign up for another session on Tuesday, and leave. Funny thing though, on the way out I see a large sign in the window:

In Case of Emergency Phone:
555-555-5555

Why would anyone ever have an emergency standing outside the suntan place?

So my day continues in a hum drum Saturday kind of way and later I decide I’m cold and need a warm bubble bath. Go upstairs and into the bathroom and get undressed - as one does before getting in the bath. Now there is rather a large mirror in my bathroom and in it I can see much of myself. And I look. And I look again. And I now see the drawbacks of tanning on a Sun bed as opposed to being on a beach in the Seychelles. My front is red. Like a lobster. My backside is.....very red (like two lobsters). EXCEPT.....well I guess when you lie on a Sun bed, you only get tanning rays straight up or down from all those tubes they have in there. No sideways rays. I have a 1" wide white stripe down the middle of each cheek of my backside. And I have one boob that is going to be tanned and one that is only going to be half-tanned. And I should definitely have kept my knickers on because I have been sunburnt where no one should ever be sunburnt. All I can say is thank goodness I’m not a male!!!!!!